so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
