so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
