so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
