Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
