I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
