we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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