she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
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and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
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No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.