he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
