Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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