so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
