if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
