Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
