I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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