Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
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I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
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Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize