hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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