Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
