you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just want to make out with him forever
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
