if you like me you must not know who I am
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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