new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
