I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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