does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize