I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
