Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
