my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
