At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
