I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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