smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
