I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
