I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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