don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
