mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
