Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
