it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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