He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
