so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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