i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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