Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My nipple is on Facebook.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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