Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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