It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
