This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
