She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
