I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Non-Jews are for practice
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
