obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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