I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
