I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
