so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
