idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
