Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
