The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
