my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
