You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
