It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
