he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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