I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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