"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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