He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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