we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
