He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
