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Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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