Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
