I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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