Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
