You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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