the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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