Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
