I just saw a hot homeless man
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
