i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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