I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
